Things that make me feel like a crotchety old man, Part I

Feeling the urge to scream, “Cell phones are destroying civilization!”

Feeling the urge to scream, “iPods are destroying civilization!”

Having to restrain myself from straightening young men’s baseball caps when they wear them off to a jaunty angle.

Hearing Guns N’ Roses on classic rock stations.

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68 thoughts on “Things that make me feel like a crotchety old man, Part I

  1. Man, I used to (and I still hate the crazy person in an elevator-oh-no-wait-they’re-on-bluetooth) but I am so uncomfortable talking without my hands free that I basically never used my phone until I switch to a headset, so I’m much more forgiving. Man was not meant to talk while hunched over holding a magic stick up to his head. That hand should be used for things like beer, coffee and other entertainments.

  2. When I was on pager this last week, I needed one. Spending 8 hours a day on the phone and holding it to your head is a pain in the ass.

    But do they have to blink?

  3. The urge to shout these sort of things comes with age, yes. I have learned that when I feel similarly about various issues, such as:

    * I would have been fired if I had said that to *my* boss when I was your age

    * Pull up your goddamned pants!

    * Why can’t you make a fucking PLAN for your evening, rather than relying on multiple last-minute SMS messages?

    I need Youth Therapy. I go on iTunes, find out the #1 song, search for it on YouTube, and sit through the entire video.

    Most of the time it thoroughly confuses this old-person voice enough so that it slinks back in silence.

    Although I’m getting a little tired of Beyonce.

  4. The urge to shout these sort of things comes with age, yes. I have learned that when I feel similarly about various issues, such as:

    * I would have been fired if I had said that to *my* boss when I was your age

    * Pull up your goddamned pants!

    * Why can’t you make a fucking PLAN for your evening, rather than relying on multiple last-minute SMS messages?

    I need Youth Therapy. I go on iTunes, find out the #1 song, search for it on YouTube, and sit through the entire video.

    Most of the time it thoroughly confuses this old-person voice enough so that it slinks back in silence.

    Although I’m getting a little tired of Beyonce.

  5. The urge to shout these sort of things comes with age, yes. I have learned that when I feel similarly about various issues, such as:

    * I would have been fired if I had said that to *my* boss when I was your age

    * Pull up your goddamned pants!

    * Why can’t you make a fucking PLAN for your evening, rather than relying on multiple last-minute SMS messages?

    I need Youth Therapy. I go on iTunes, find out the #1 song, search for it on YouTube, and sit through the entire video.

    Most of the time it thoroughly confuses this old-person voice enough so that it slinks back in silence.

    Although I’m getting a little tired of Beyonce.

  6. The urge to shout these sort of things comes with age, yes. I have learned that when I feel similarly about various issues, such as:

    * I would have been fired if I had said that to *my* boss when I was your age

    * Pull up your goddamned pants!

    * Why can’t you make a fucking PLAN for your evening, rather than relying on multiple last-minute SMS messages?

    I need Youth Therapy. I go on iTunes, find out the #1 song, search for it on YouTube, and sit through the entire video.

    Most of the time it thoroughly confuses this old-person voice enough so that it slinks back in silence.

    Although I’m getting a little tired of Beyonce.

  7. Dude, I hear you.

    The word “frenemy” is destroying civilization.

    People who say “lolz” (not spell out, say) are in league with the Adversary.

    Man alive, I get riled up about “language perversion.” And whenever I do, I feel old & irrational, since I committed the same thing when I was their age.

    I’m listening to Guns N’ Roses on Rhapsody right now.

  8. Dude, I hear you.

    The word “frenemy” is destroying civilization.

    People who say “lolz” (not spell out, say) are in league with the Adversary.

    Man alive, I get riled up about “language perversion.” And whenever I do, I feel old & irrational, since I committed the same thing when I was their age.

    I’m listening to Guns N’ Roses on Rhapsody right now.

  9. Dude, I hear you.

    The word “frenemy” is destroying civilization.

    People who say “lolz” (not spell out, say) are in league with the Adversary.

    Man alive, I get riled up about “language perversion.” And whenever I do, I feel old & irrational, since I committed the same thing when I was their age.

    I’m listening to Guns N’ Roses on Rhapsody right now.

  10. Dude, I hear you.

    The word “frenemy” is destroying civilization.

    People who say “lolz” (not spell out, say) are in league with the Adversary.

    Man alive, I get riled up about “language perversion.” And whenever I do, I feel old & irrational, since I committed the same thing when I was their age.

    I’m listening to Guns N’ Roses on Rhapsody right now.

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