Bedtime Story

“I can’t sleep. Tell me a story.”

“Once upon a time there was a beautiful unicorn in a green glade and zombies shambled up to it and ate its brains.”

“The End?”

“Oh no, while getting past its horse-like skull, one of the zombies grabbed its horn in order to burrow his undead face past the bone into the delicious brain-meats. The horn healed the zombie, returned its life and its memories of love and the sun on its face. For a moment, he realized that he had to put the horror of his zombie existence behind him in order to live.

“But then, the other zombies smelled the fresh life coming off this ex-zombie and they stopped feasting on the unicorn long enough to bite him and turn him back into a zombie. He dropped the zombie horn and it still lays there in the grass to this day.”

“The End?”

“Oh no, now we have a unicorn zombie on the loose.”

“Wouldn’t it just be dead? If a zombie eats a person’s brain it is just dead but if it get’s bit it becomes a zombie….right?”

“Maybe. I have no idea but a unicorn zombie is too much damned fun.

“There was a little girl in a field near her home and across the field, out of the forest shambled the unicorn zombie. It was a special zombie and only ate virgin girls. For a moment, the little girl saw the zombie unicorn from a distance she thought for a moment it was a living unicorn but its gait was wrong. It had this awkward four-hooved shamble.

“The little girl hoped that maybe it was just a wounded unicorn but she knew something was wrong, right up to the moment when it bit her skull with its tremendous horse teeth. The little girl’s brains nourished the unicorn and it rose from the dead, the first of a little girl zombie horde that would come to follow the unizombie across the earth, wreaking hell.”

“The End?”

“Yeah, I think so. The End.”

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17 thoughts on “Bedtime Story

  1. I can’t remember the comic I was reading where professional unicorn hunters were virgins who’d whip out guns and shoot them to sell unicorn meats. One unicorn, tired of this, sold his soul to a demon to gain powers to fight back, and was a firebreathing evil unicorn.

    This amuses me much in the same way.

  2. I can’t remember the comic I was reading where professional unicorn hunters were virgins who’d whip out guns and shoot them to sell unicorn meats. One unicorn, tired of this, sold his soul to a demon to gain powers to fight back, and was a firebreathing evil unicorn.

    This amuses me much in the same way.

  3. I can’t remember the comic I was reading where professional unicorn hunters were virgins who’d whip out guns and shoot them to sell unicorn meats. One unicorn, tired of this, sold his soul to a demon to gain powers to fight back, and was a firebreathing evil unicorn.

    This amuses me much in the same way.

  4. I can’t remember the comic I was reading where professional unicorn hunters were virgins who’d whip out guns and shoot them to sell unicorn meats. One unicorn, tired of this, sold his soul to a demon to gain powers to fight back, and was a firebreathing evil unicorn.

    This amuses me much in the same way.

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